Far too many funny things happen in my D&D games than I will ever put in my comic. But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy them. Here are a few from recent games:
“This isn’t just any death. This is Marks & Spencer death.”
DM: “So you promise to treat them fairly, then use them as slaves in a chain-gang to carry your chests of loot, while marching them to their own executions?”
“Why make the most tired player, with terrible handwriting, make all the notes?!”
“Because it’s funny.”
HALF-ORC FIGHTER: “Didn’t I leave a Monkey arm around here?”
MAGE: “What for?
HALF-ORC FIGHTER: “A snack.”
PLAYER 1: “That’s a pretty die.”
PLAYER 2: ” How can you say that? It’s clearly against us!
“If the fight is going badly we flea. By which I mean we throw fleas at them.”
“I HIT BECAUSE I’M A ELF AND IT’S A FILTHY NON-ELF*!”
*Referring to Elven racial bonus.
ROGUE: “I think it’s getting easier the higher I climb. I have more incentive to hang on. It’s amazing what mortal terror will do for you.”
NPC SHOPKEEPER: “Can I tempt you with this scroll of infravision?”
ELVEN MAGE: “Ooo!”
CLERIC: “Elves have infravision!”
ELVEN MAGE: “Do they?”
NPC SHOPKEEPER: “Well… this spell could come in useful to cast on someone else?”
PALADIN (of the Sun): “I glow all the time. This Elf literally forgot he had infravision because he’s never been in the dark!”
DM: *Picks up Oreo*
PLAYER: “Okay, you can have another Oreo Cookie as long as you don’t kill us.”
DM: *Puts Oreo down*