Far too many funny things happen in my D&D games than I will ever put in my comic. But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy them. Here are a few from recent games:
“This isn’t just any death. This is Marks & Spencer death.”
DM: “So you promise to treat them fairly, then use them as slaves in a chain-gang to carry your chests of loot, while marching them to their own executions?”
PLAYER: “Basically.”
“Why make the most tired player, with terrible handwriting, make all the notes?!”
“Because it’s funny.”
HALF-ORC FIGHTER: “Didn’t I leave a Monkey arm around here?”
MAGE: “What for?
HALF-ORC FIGHTER: “A snack.”
MAGE: “EWWWWW!”
PLAYER 1: “That’s a pretty die.”
PLAYER 2: ” How can you say that? It’s clearly against us!
“If the fight is going badly we flea. By which I mean we throw fleas at them.”
“I HIT BECAUSE I’M A ELF AND IT’S A FILTHY NON-ELF*!”
*Referring to Elven racial bonus.
ROGUE: “I think it’s getting easier the higher I climb. I have more incentive to hang on. It’s amazing what mortal terror will do for you.”
NPC SHOPKEEPER: “Can I tempt you with this scroll of infravision?”
ELVEN MAGE: “Ooo!”
CLERIC: “Elves have infravision!”
ELVEN MAGE: “Do they?”
CLERIC: “Yes!”
NPC SHOPKEEPER: “Well… this spell could come in useful to cast on someone else?”
PALADIN (of the Sun): “I glow all the time. This Elf literally forgot he had infravision because he’s never been in the dark!”
DM: *Picks up Oreo*
PLAYER: “Okay, you can have another Oreo Cookie as long as you don’t kill us.”
DM: *Puts Oreo down*