Out-of-Context D&D – “The Foyer of the Dead”

Far too many funny things happen in my D&D games than I will ever put in my comic. But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy them. Due to lockdown I can’t play as usual, but I have a few saved up from past games. Here they are:

“The Foyer of the Dead.”

DUBIOUS CLERIC: “I couldn’t control that Wraith… maybe it’s because I turned my back on my God.”
PALADIN: “AGAIN?! That’s becoming a habit with you.”

“Unless it hits with all 3 attacks I’ll probably survive.”

FIGHTER [after asking the mage for lots of different spells they haven’t taken]: “What spells do you have?”
MAGE: “I have four Identifys.”
FIGHTER: “Is that all?”
MAGE: Well I only have 4 pearls so…”
FIGHTER: “That’s not what I meant. I meant did you take any other spells besides Identify?”
MAGE: “Um… No? I thought Identify was the priority.”
DM: “Well this requires a ‘Read Magic.’ Go-to staple of every Magic-User.”
MAGE: “I always forget to take that…”

DM: “So… it rolled a 1 on its initiative (the first to act), a 20 to hit (critical hit) and maximum damage. Why does this happen when I’m rolling for enemy NPCs? My PCs never get this lucky!”

“I understand you enjoy eating people. Tell me, has anyone ever eaten you?”

DM: “You swallow a fly.”
OTHER PLAYERS: “Whatever you do – don’t teleport!!”

“I’m currently running away from an old women with a walking stick. This is not my proudest moment.”

CLERIC: “Are you talking to your equipment again?”
FIGHTER: “They’re intelligent items… and they outnumber us!”

DM: “Did you kill the Guard Captain?”
PALADIN: “Yes. He didn’t surrender.”
DM: “You mean he was alive and you have a sword.”



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